Points of discussion
- Parental alienation and parental alienating behaviors
- First actor-parent who engages in the strategies and behaviors
- Second actor-co-parent subject to the actions of their co-parent
- Third actor-child
- List of terminology for each actor
- In essence...
Introduction
The concept of parental alienation emerged through the simultaneous work of practitioners and researchers working with families during court matters.
Definition
Parental alienation refers to alienating behaviors (Baker & Eichler, 2016) that may range from mild to severe (Harman et al., 2018).
Based on...
The term “parental alienation” was developed by Richard Gardner (1985), who proposed a theory and condition to identify the behaviors of brainwashing and denigration of one parent by another (Gardner, Sauber, & Lorandos, 2006) that he observed when working in divorce and family court matters in the 1970s and 1980s.
The phenomenon of parental alienating behaviors is recognized globally by professionals and researchers (von Boch-Galhau, 2018). However, the inconsistent use of terminology, definitions, and conceptualization of parental alienation and parental alienating behaviors, and the lack of scientific rigor when defining them, contribute to the lack of acceptance and use of the term by legal professionals (Clarkson & Clarkson, 2008; Johnston & Sullivan, 2020).
Inconsistency with terminology
The phenomenon of parental alienating behaviors is recognized globally by professionals and researchers (von Boch-Galhau, 2018).
However, the inconsistent use of terminology, definitions, and conceptualization of parental alienation and parental alienating behaviors, and the lack of scientific rigor when defining them, contribute to the lack of acceptance and use of the term by legal professionals (Clarkson & Clarkson, 2008; Johnston & Sullivan, 2020).
Participating actors
Several factors and dynamics may be at play when considering parental alienating behaviors.
Traditionally, parental alienating behaviors have been associated with malicious attempts by one or both parents to create a greater alliance with a child through behaviors that alienate or denigrate the other co-parent (Lee-Gottlieb, 2012; Maturana, Matthewson, & Dwan, 2020; Siracusano, Barone, Lisi, & Niolu, 2015). Researchers have highlighted other reasons why these behaviors might manifest.
For example...
Taking into consideration that parental alienating behaviors may stem from a reaction to violence or an effort to protect oneself or one’s child (Eilers, 2019; Meier, 2017; Stark et al., 2019).
Why...
With this in mind, in this section, parental alienating behaviors are discussed within the context of co-parents and children as actors, including the parent who is engaging in the behaviors, the parent who is subject to the behaviors of their co-parent and child, individually or jointly (Gottlieb, 2012; Siracusano et al., 2015), and the child experiencing the alienating behaviors of one parent (Lee-Maturana et al., 2020).
Descriptive behaviors for each actor are outlined.
First actor-parent engaging in behaviors
The first actor is a parent who engages in actions that have a negative impact on their co-parent or child. In earlier research, the term parental alienation referred to alienating behaviors that a parent may engage in with their child, outlined in 17 strategies for alienation (See below) (Gardner, 1985).
For the current study, strategies are organized into four categories: altering the perception of one parent, communication, emotional manipulation of the child, and minimizing the role of a parent.
Strategies and behaviors
- Badmouthing
- Limiting contact
- Interfering with communication
- Interfering with symbolic communication
- Withdrawal of love
- Telling child, a parent does not love him/her
- Forcing child to choose
- Creating the impression a parent is dangerous
- Confiding in child
- Forcing child to reject a parent
- Asking child to spy on a parent
- Asking child to keep secrets from a parent
- Referring to a parent by first name
- Referring to stepparent as mom or dad and encouraging child to do the same
- Withholding medical, academic, & important information from a parent/keeping a parent off of medical, academic, and other relevant documents
- Changing child’s name to remove the association with a parent
- Cultivating dependency
13 Parenting AlienatingBehaviors by Balmer
Category 1 Behaviors Associated with the Child
- Interrogation
- Emotional manipulation
- Damaging loving connection
- Forcing a loyal response
- Inappropriate disclosure
- Encouraging an unhealthy alliance
- Encouraging defiance
Category 2: Behaviors of the Parent
- Vilification of a parent
- Eradication of a parent
- Information gatekeeping
- Utilizing outside forces
Category 3: Behaviors Involving the Child and Parent
- Interference with time spent with a parent
- Denigration of a parent
Second Actor-parent who experiences the behaviors
The second actor, a co-parent, is subject to the actions of the other parent and child.
A family systems lens allows for identifying the contributing member’s role in the alienating dynamics and position of the co-parents (Sauber & Worenklein, 2013).
Because...
A strand of research shows that the alignment of a child with an alienating parent (first actor), and subsequent impact on the co-parent (the second actor), are crucial in understanding family relationships.
This research posits that the co-parent and child, individually and collectively, are influenced by the actions of the other parent (Clawar & Rivlin, 2013).
Furthermore, literature suggests that one or both co-parents can be perceived as victims of parental alienating behaviors (Scharp et al., 2021), as is the child.
Third actor-child
The child, as the third actor, forms an alliance with the alienating parent (first actor) and rejects the co-parent (second actor) for no discernable cause (Bernet et al., 2010).
The child’s involvement is necessary, as indicated by the eight behavioral symptoms identified by Gardner (1985), which include campaigning against the other parent; unconvincing rationalizations for not wanting to see a parent or family member; lack of ambivalence toward a parent; child insisting that their decisions for parenting time are their own; child’s automatic support or love for a parent; child demonstrating the absence of guilt for their treatment of a parent; child engaging in age-inappropriate comments and situations; and broadening of hatred directed at a parent (Gardner, 1985). Baker and Darnall (2007) outline the behavioral symptoms as one parent denigrating the other parent to their child; encouraging the child to come up with weak, frivolous, or absurd reasons for not wanting to see the other parent; feelings of hostility or negativity toward a parent; independent thinker phenomenon; taking the side of one parent over the other; lack of guilt or remorse; borrowed scenarios; and rejection of extended family (Baker & Darnall, 2007).
8 Behavioral symptoms and examples
Examples of these behavioral symptoms and interactions between the child and the parent experiencing the negative behaviors are provided below (see Table 2.3) (Baker & Darnall, 2007), illuminating the parental experience with parental alienating behaviors.
1. Child’s campaign against withdrawal from, the second actor parent. (Campaign of denigration.)
Example: I ran for the local school board and my son wrote a letter to my opponent telling him what a bad person I was.”
2. Unconvincing rationalizations for the hatred of the second actor parent. (Weak, frivolous, or absurd reasons.)
Example: “He (son) said that he ‘doesn’t like the orange stripes in my hair’ and the way I dress is embarrassing. He couldn’t believe’ I was wearing cowboy boots when I picked him up at school.”
3. Child’s lack of ambivalence toward a second actor parent . (Lack of ambivalence.)
Example: “I asked him (son) what was one thing he liked about me and he could not come up with a single answer.”
4. Child’s insistence that decision about custody & visitation is their own & not influenced by the first actor parent. (Independent thinker.)
Example: “My daughter will frequently say that the things she tells me are her idea and that she has ‘free will.’ She tells me that when she doesn’t call me (court ordered phone contact) that it is her fault and not her dad’s.” (sic)
5. Child’s automatic support or love for the parent (first actor). (Taking side of a parent.)
Example: “Whatever his father says even if it is absurd my son agrees to without hesitation.” ”
6. Absence of guilt regarding the negative feelings for the first actor parent. (Lack of guilt.)
Example: “Josh (son) brashly told the Judge half-truths in my custody trial and walked out of the courtroom smiling and saying, ‘I did it!’”
7. Child’s use of concepts re: second actor parent is developmentally inappropriate. (Borrowed scenarios.)
Example: “My daughter has said she only wants to have good childhood memories. Words her father has used.”
8. A broadening of the hatred to the second actor parent’s extended family. (Rejection of extended family.)
Example: “My daughter refuses to see my family or her godmother with whom she was once very close. She refused to come to the hospital to say goodbye to her grandmother the night before she passed away.”
Note. Listed are initial symptoms presented by Gardner. Examples show parents’ report of comments made by their child from a study conducted by Baker and Darnell (2007).
List of terminology
First actor-parent engaging in behaviors
The terminology used for the first actor includes the “alienating parent,” “aligned parent,” or “preferred parent” (Ben-Ami & Baker, 2012; Bernet, Rohner, et al., 2020; Ellis & Boyan, 2010; Sher, 2015).
However, in their early work, researchers Wallerstein and Kelly (1976) introduced the term “embittered-chaotic parent” to describe the parent engaging in parental alienating behaviors, thereby explaining a child’s rejection of a parent that may seem out-of-context (Nitzburg & Trachtman, 1981).
In their later work, Wallerstein and Blakeslee (2004) incorporated the term “entangled with Medea-like rage” to reflect parental alienating behaviors.
Second actor-co-parent
Descriptive terms used to identify the second actor, a co-parent experiencing parental alienating behaviors, include the “alienated” (Gardner, 1998), “nonaligned” (Ellis & Boyan, 2010), or “nonpreferred parent” (Bernet, Rohner, et al., 2020; Sher, 2015).
Two general terms used over the years are “the rejected parent” (Baker & Eichler, 2016; Bernet et al., 2018; Walker & Shapiro, 2010) and “the targeted parent” (Baker & D. Darnall, 2006; Bernet et al., 2010; Darnall, 1997; Tavares et al., 2021b).
The term “hated parent” is referenced in severe cases (Kelly & Johnston, 2001). The International Handbook of Parental Alienation referenced the “lost parent” (Cartwright, 2006) in previous writings to describe the alienated parent (Cartwright, 1993; Vassiliou & Cartwright, 2001).
Lastly, the “unfavored parent” was referenced by Pena et al. (2020) in discussing the independent thinker phenomenon in a case analysis.
Third actor-child
The terminology used to describe the child, the third actor, has changed over the years.
Various terms have been used in discussions from a family systems perspective, including the angry or alienated child (Kelly & Johnston, 2001). Similarly, the alienated child is referenced in a commentary to the Kelly and Johnston article (Gardner, 2004).
A more recent term, known as resist-refuse dynamics (Fidler & Bala, 2020), in which the child is resisting or refusing contact with one parent, is used to describe the actions exhibited by a child.
The term visitation refusal was previously mentioned in an article by Vestal (1999) and referred to as refusing contact (Garber, 2020).
In essence...
Several factors and dynamics may influence the occurrence of parental alienating behaviors.
Traditionally, these behaviors have been linked to intentional efforts by one or both parents to foster a stronger bond with a child by engaging in actions that alienate or belittle the other co-parent (Lee-Gottlieb, 2012; Maturana, Matthewson, & Dwan, 2020; Siracusano, Barone, Lisi, & Niolu, 2015).
With this perspective, this section examines parental alienating behaviors in the context of co-parents and children as participants, including the parent exhibiting the behaviors, the parent who is affected by the actions of their co-parent and child, either separately or together (Gottlieb, 2012; Siracusano et al., 2015), and the child who is subjected to the alienating behaviors of one parent (Lee-Maturana et al., 2020).
